I feel like overall I have pretty good body image and self-esteem. I try to set a good example for my daughter. For example, I admonished my mom’s best friend once for saying something negative about her body in front of my daughter. (As an aside, that felt amazing because her daughter was my best friend growing up. I saw firsthand what her negative comments about bodies did to my friend. And none of it was good.) I think its really important that my daughter sees me take care of myself, love, and appreciate my body for all it can do. But if I’m being honest, I think we all have days where we are insecure, or we just don’t feel that great for some reason.
I’ve always used weight as a barometer for how I’m doing. Mostly because it’s accessible, and when I first started my fitness/taking better care of my body journey, I needed to track it because my goal at the time was to lose it. So I still weigh myself, knowing that it may not be the most scientifically precise measurement. Recently, I noticed these few extra pounds creeping up. And staying there. So at class one day, I bring it up with the ladies asking if its possible that its muscle, since we all know muscle weighs more than fat. I HAD moved up in weights consistently, but I also have a love for cupcakes, and any kind of taco you can imagine. I got some supportive feedback that yes, it COULD be muscle, which of course was what I wanted to hear, and my clothes were fitting more or less the same, so it WAS possible.
But I watched what I was eating maybe a little more than usual, and definitely cut back on the desserts. I generally feel better when I go easy on the carbs, so I watched those too. But still, those couple extra pounds stayed and I didn’t feel any different (unless you counted resentful that I wasn’t eating dessert). Weird.
Then my family moved. Yes, we only moved a mile or so, but man moving is A LOT of work. Especially with a kid in tow for every load, errand, or chore. But we made it to moving day. During this time, there was definitely a hiatus on watching what I ate. There was Chinese food, and pizza, and Gringoes, and if I was hungry, I ate. My husband took some time off work for the move, so we were not on our normal schedule, but we got a lot accomplished. And I was proud of myself for still making it to my workouts. Even dog tired and sore from moving boxes, those workouts keep me grounded. So Fast Laine Fit is as much for my mental health as it is for my physical health.
On Facebook one evening I see an article about a softball player I don’t know who posed nude for ESPN magazine. I didn’t read the whole article, but the woman said she didn’t do it to be provocative, she did it to be an example to girls and other women. She referenced letting her body down anytime she didn’t give it the fuel it needed or tried to achieve a certain look. I’m butchering what she said, it was eloquent, and it resonated with me. I needed to be reminded of that.
I am strong, physically and emotionally. My body can do amazing things, like make a baby sure, but also move what feels like 10,000 boxes when I need it to. Maybe those few extra pounds are muscle, and maybe they’re not. But I feel sexy when I wear a pretty dress, my husband sure isn’t complaining and still grabs my butt when I’m cooking dinner for my family.
After the dust settled I hopped on the scale this morning, and low and behold those couple extra pounds were gone. And I didn’t actually feel anything, because it didn’t matter to me anymore. Now if only I can keep this mind set going!